Chapter Eleven ~ Helping Your Husband Believe

"...just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord...you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." 1 Peter 3:6


God has called us to obey Him in the circumstances that we are in. This world is full of sin, sin in those around us and sin within ourselves. Before we can confront anyone about their sin we must look at the sin in our selves first. When we go through difficult trials or persecution we are to follow Christ’s example, fixing our eyes on Him and receiving power and strength from Him. When our husband is unbelieving we are to win him with our gentle spirit and behavior. We are to confront with meekness and respect. We are to believe that God has a plan and He is sovereign over all. We can trust in our heavenly husband.


"...God calls us to fulfill our calling in the very circumstances that we're in. The only opportunity you have to fulfill your calling and obey the Lord is in the now. You can't fulfill God's call in the past or in the future- you've only got today, this minute- to choose to follow Him or to turn aside."p.178 This was very convicting and yet very encouraging to me. I can't worry about mistakes I have made in the past or how I am going to obey in the future. I have only right now. The verses in 1 Peter 3:1-6 also encouraged me. Where do we get the fearlessness that produces quiet tranquility which in turn produces humble submission? We get if from hope in God. When I remember who God is, that He has a perfect loving plan for my life, I will experience a boldness at whatever comes my way, knowing that it is from God. My heart will than be at peace. When I am at peace within me it will be easy to be humble ad submit to my husband. It all starts with God.

Chapter Ten ~ Created to Communicate

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
Proverbs 31:26


Before the creation of man, God spoke. God has been speaking to His people ever since. God designed women, in particular, with the gift of language skills. We are to use this ability to glorify the Lord and help our husband. Our goal in communication should be to glorify and please the Lord. We have the opportunity to reflect who God is with the words that come out of our mouths. But our hearts must be changed by the Lord, for out of the heart the mouth speaks. Our words simply reflect what is in our hearts. God uses His words to reveal Himself. They are perfect, solid, right, pure, true, righteous and desirable. They restore, make wise, bring joy and enlightenment, warn and reward. God’s words reveals the thought and intention of the heart. They enable us to throw off the yoke of sin and shows us the way to forgiveness. We must have our hearts centered on Christ if our words are going to be pleasing to the Lord. In the Bible women are instructed to refrain from gossip. Women are also warned against nagging and contentious words. Our words should be pleasant, healthful words. They should be graceful and deliberate, truthful, yet loving, wise, kind and comforting words.


My tongue is very powerful. What and how I say things can have a great impact for either destruction or life. I can choose to build up or break down others. If I simply take a few moments to consider what I am about to say, consider the effect it will have on others, I can begin to tame my tongue.

Chapter Nine ~ Learning the Steps of the Dance

"But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24


All Christians are called to submit. We are called to submit to the Lord, to each other and to the authorities that God has placed over us. Christ is our perfect example of joyful willing submission. The more we know of Christ, the better our understanding of what true biblical submission looks like. As wives we are to follow the lead of our husband as the church follows the lead of Christ. God designed submission for our good and His glory. So what is submission? It is the laying down of self and yielding to another. I am to embrace my husband's calling and vision and make it my own. I don't lose who I am, I bring my gifts and strengths to benefit my husband. How can we do this? It is only by the grace of God. As we submit to our heavenly Father, we will be able to submit to our earthly husband.


I haven't been relying on the Holy Spirit for the power to submit. I have been depending on my own strength. If I was depending on the Spirit I would ask Him to enable me to have the right attitude about submission. I know that God is faithful and He can give me the right attitude. Why do I fight against Him by not asking for His strength? I struggle with the idea that in order to submit I have to think exactly like my husband, that I have to agree with everything he thinks and does. What does submission look like when it doesn't think the same way? Where is the balance of expressing my own views and opinions yet submitting to Jason's decisions? I feel that if I don't think like him I'm not following him. I'm in a tug a war with the desire to just keep quiet for the sake of peace and the desire to fight for what I think. Both are wrong. I need to share my perspective but once my husband has made the final decision I need to support that with everything that is in me.

Chapter Eight ~ Because He First Loved Us

"By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:9-10, 19

The only reason we can love others is because God has first loved us. When we were dead in our sin, He loved us and made a way for us to be united with Him. We are commanded in scripture to love God with all our hearts and love our neighbor as our self. Our first and supreme love must be for God. Our love for God is to dominate our thoughts and actions. When we are so enamored with God’s love for us and love Him above all, then we can obey the second commandment, loving others. We are to love our husband as we love our self. We are to love them the way Christ has loved us. True love is a love that persistently seeks to do good to the one loved. We are to act with fondness, affection and kindness to our husbands.

I am humbled by how Christ loves me. He loved me in all my sin and shame. My love for my husband should not be dependent on his behavior. It's dependent on the fact that I am loved by my heavenly Father. Because I am so loved by God, that love can spill over to others in my life. The more I focus on how I am loved by God, the more I will love like Christ.

Chapter Seven ~ Called for His Purpose

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who are love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28


God’s ultimate purpose is always to glorify Himself. God’s purpose in creating marriage was for His glory. God’s purpose in putting me in the marriage in am in, is for His glory and my good. Our marriage does not have to be perfect to bring Him glory. He receives glory as we trust and grow in Him in the midst of our struggles. We can rest in the fact that whatever we may be going through, the purpose is to bring God glory. God is more interested in His reputation than in my earthly comfort. He knows that our happiness and His glory are inextricably bound together and that we’ll never be truly happy until we drink deeply of His person and grow in our desire to glorify Him. I will only be able to experience satisfaction when I realize that the purpose of my life is to glorify Him and enjoy Him eternally.


I have been encouraged with the reminder that God uses all things for my good. On page 117 she states that "God is re-forming His image in you, a Christian woman. Not only is He glorifying Himself, He is actively causing genuine good to be developed in our lives." and on page 119 "He knows our happiness and His glory are inextricably bound together and that we'll never be truly happy until we drink deeply of His person and grow in our desire to glorify Him". It is good to be reminded that everything in my life circumstances are brought to me by my loving Father for my good.

Chapter Six ~ The Two Shall Become One

"In the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman." 1 Corinthians 11:11

God has intended marriage to be our most intimate relationship here on earth. We are to be united to our spouse so deeply that whatever affects one will affect the other. Because we are so closely bound to our husbands we should strive to make it easy for them to love us. The beauty of this relationship is that we don’t lose our own uniqueness but rather we use our uniqueness to help our husband. In order to experience oneness and intimacy with our husbands we need to get to know them and allow them to know us. God created the act of sex to bring husband and wives together into one flesh physically. God designed sex to be intimate and pleasurable. We are not to rob our spouse in this area. The goal of sex is serving, loving, and helping your husband and treasuring your oneness. Even in our differences we can blend our desires and voice together to praise God and bring Him glory.

When first married my focus was to do my husband good. I was nice and helpful and anxious to do anything to please him. After 14 years of marriage I have settled into a comfortable place where I have forgotten to be nice. It's not like I intend to be mean, but I know he loves me so my tone of voice can be harsh and rough. I no longer greet him with a smile at the door, but instead allow the children to swarm him when he comes in. This chapter was a good reminder for me, I want to make it easy for my husband to love me. Christ is so easy for me to love, He is so gracious and tender to me. I long to be tender and gracious as Christ is.

Chapter Five ~ What God Has Joined Together

"A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife in such that a way that the two become one person." Genesis 2:24

Marriage is two lives, each leaving behind their former selves and uniting to become one new person. Husbands and wives are told to leave their father and mother and cleave to one another. Husbands are to leave behind the submission to their parents authority and wives are to acknowledge that she now has a new authority. As wives we need to guard against anything that would separate us from our husband. We need to seek to please our spouse and focus our energy on our relationship with him.
Every relationship here on earth is marked by impermanence. The only permanent relationship we have is with Christ, our heavenly Husband. Because of this relationship, we leave our primary family behind and cleave to the husband He has given us in this life, as a illustration of the way the church clings to Christ.

"As a wife, you are now to identify yourself with your husband and his interests, instead of the interests of your childhood family." p 83 This means I give up camping, I give up the desire to live in the country, I give up any desires that don't match my husbands. Wow! It means I die to self for the benefit of my husband. How do I do this? I desperately need Christ to work in me, to change my heart, and give me an attitude of humility. It is only through Christ that I have any hope to be the wife He wants me to be.

Chapter Four ~ Here, Dear, Have a Bite

"There is none righteous, not even one...together they have become useless." Romans 3:10,12

When Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit they brought sin into God's perfect world. When God questioned them they tried to blame someone else for their actions. God did not allow them to escape what they had done. They were both responsible for their own sin and they both suffered the consequences for that sin. Today we fall into the same temptations. We can be tempted to follow our own way of doing things, instead of doing things God's way. Then, when we are shown our folly we can blame others for our behavior. As wives, we can be tempted to lead out husbands, instead of allowing him to lead us. We can be tempted to manipulate and control instead of help. But just as Adam and Eve received mercy in the promise of a Redeemer, we have a Savior who has come, not only to save us from God's wrath, but to transform our hearts!

"Our first parents declared their independence from God's wisdom and sought to center their moral compass on the black hole of man's opinion. In doing so, they tried to usurp God's unique right to differentiate between the clean and unclean. Only the Lord, in His infinite knowledge, wisdom, and holiness, is qualified to distinguish between good and evil." p 66
It is so important for me to be in God's word. How else will I know Him? It is a storehouse of wisdom written so that I might know His will. There are so many influences and opinions in the world, that unless I am deep in God's Word, I will be easily swayed into believing the lies of Satan. Lord, may I be close to You that I would know Your heart.

Chapter Three ~ A Covenant of Companionship

"She is your companion and your wife." Malachi 2:14

God created us with a need for companionship. Marriage was designed to be the primary source on earth for that companionship. As wives we are called to be a companion and friend to our husband. We are to be close to their hearts. This responsibility is not dependant on the behavior of our spouse. Christ was known as the one who ate with "tax collectors and sinners". When we were deep in our sin, He was a friend by suffering on a cross, extending a hand of mercy and forgiveness. We can show who Christ is by being a friend to our husband when he sins. We can show him mercy, forgiveness and tenderhearted help.
Marriage is a covenant. It is to be an unending relationship of companionship. God has entered into a covenant with His people. He has united Christ with His bride, the church. "You cannot be the kind of companion and helper that God created you to be without first being renewed by His transforming covenant in your heart...we who have tasted of the mercy of His covenant love are now enabled to flow out with it to our husbands." p. 57

Jeremiah 31:34 says "for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."
God has forgiven my iniquity and my sin He no longer remembers! Because of God's faithfulness to me I have the power to forgive when I am sinned against. I have the power to remember that sin no more. God in His goodness has done so much for me, He loves me so completely. I can only ask Him to enable me to do the same for the one He has given me to be a companion to for the rest of my days.

Chapter Two ~ His Companion, His Helper

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:13

When God created Adam He said that it was not good for man to be alone. He then created a helper for Adam, Eve. As women God has created us in His image to be helpers. We are to reflect who God is. He is our helper. "When the Bible says that God is our helper, it means that He protects, aids, succors, supports, and surrounds us." p 38 When we do these same things we are showing who God is. The Holy Spirit is given the name Helper. He is our counselor, comforter, intercessor, consoler and advocate. These are all things we are called to be to our husbands. The church, Christ's bride, is called help believers. We are to care for one another through biblical fellowship and we are called to help with the great commission. Being a helper is an honor, it is a way to reflect God and bring Him glory.

I have been thinking about what it means to glorify God by helping my husband. In the past my thinking has been that a helper is one who does less of the work. When you say that God is my helper, that thinking doesn't work. He does all the work. There are times when my flesh feels like I am doing most of the work around the home and I begin to resent being a helper. Christ never resents me, He never gets tired of meeting my needs. He didn't say on the cross "Why do I have do all the work to save her?". Christ's attitude was one of humility. "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2:8

Chapter One ~ In His Image

"Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them."
Genesis 1:26-27

"All humanity (men and women), then are equally representations of God and are like Him in certain aspects." p 21


God has created men and women in His image. This means that although we are not exactly like God, there are attributes that He shares, and ways that we reflect who God is. He has called us to do certain tasks and in these tasks we represent His image. We are called to rule over creation. "Men and women are called to be God's co-regents, working and ruling in His world, under His authority, for our happiness and His glory." p 26 We are called to relate like Him. "God in His perfection is diverse, yet the same. God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all the same in their being (all equally God), yet different in the functions." p 26 Men and women are equally in God's image, yet we have different roles. We are called to reproduce. This is not limited to having children. "We teach, mentor, and disciple others who are not directly a part of our biological family." p 28 We are called to reflect on the world around us. We are called to rejoice. "The ability and desire to praise what brings us pleasure is simply a reflection of the adoration that has always existed within the Trinity." p29 And lastly we are called to rest. "He then set the seventh day apart by blessing it as a time for the most special and pleasing enjoyment of man: to revel in the sweet joy of fellowship with his Creator and to observe His great acts." p 29

So, what does this mean to me? This week as I read this chapter I've been thinking about what it means to me, as a woman, to rule, in light of the fact that I'm also called to be a helper. I'm called to rule as a helper. To me this means that I am not to rule for my own agenda, but the one I am helping. I so frequently want to rule things my way for my purposes. But it's not about me! I am to rule for the glory of God and the glory of my husband. I am to seek the Lord's priorities and my husbands priorities, not mine. This means dying to myself. It means forsaking my desires for the Lord's. Christ is the ultimate example of this. He made His Father's goals His goals. He became one with His Father's will. This is for my good and His glory.

Introduction

"In the chapters to come, together we'll discover what it means to be a companion and helper. We'll learn how to pursue oneness with our spouses without losing sight of our individuality, and we'll take a watchful stroll down the often-perilous path of biblical submission. In all endeavors you'll find encouragement to become aware of what it means to be a woman created in the image of God, a woman who has been designed to be a helper and companion, and you'll learn the sweet pleasures embodied in that calling." p 14

As we begin this study it is important for us to remember these three fundamental truths.

1. The Bible is our guide.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

2. Our primary call is to reflect His Son

Romans 8:29 "For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren."

3. We need God's grace and power.

Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast."

Let's get started!

I am going to be doing a study through the book Helper by Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick over the next three months at Rockville Bible Church. Each week we will be reading a chapter and answering the questions at the end of the chapter. I will be posting a brief summary of the chapter each week along with my thoughts. Please feel free to send in your thoughts and comments. This is my first time blogging so please be patient with me as I learn the ins and outs of the cyber world. I am looking forward to seeing what God will do in the lives of His beloved children.